In an article in Shambhala Sun Magazine in September of 1999, Rachael Naomi Remen M.D., wrote: “Helping, fixing, and serving represent three different ways of seeing life. When you help, you see life as weak. When you fix, you see life as broken. When you serve, you see life as a whole. Fixing and helping may be the work of the ego, and service the work of the soul.”

When I was in seminary, I had an opportunity to spend part of my summer with youth who were, in one form or another, “handicapped.” On my first day I saw one coming down a flight of stairs in a wheelchair. Feeling scared for him, and not knowing what to do, I reported what I saw and, to my surprise, was told: “He’s really good at that.” I wanted to “help” but didn’t know what was needed of me. I saw a person in a wheelchair and concluded “helplessness.” I quickly learned these youth focus on their gifts and talents, not on their “handicap.” By the end of that summer I saw them as the artist, the writer, the photographer, and not “the handicapped” which is what society had taught me. I learned to ask, “Do you need help with…” instead of saying, “Let me help you with….

A few years later, as a new therapist, my supervisor told me: “Séamus, your role is not to fix or help the clients. Your role is to guide and encourage them to look deeper into themselves and they will find the answer they seek.” Here again, I wanted to be ‘the fixer” the “helper.” No one asked me to help; no one asked me to fix. My self-esteem was tied up in “helping” “fixing” as that is how I perceived the world around me, broken or weak. In my mind, I was, the one to help or fix.

My first few years in A.A. were years in a dry drunk. It was my belief I didn’t need any help or anyone to fix me. I was in denial of my illness. I had to attend AA to keep my job. In those early days I just knew I was going to be a great resource to the people in AA. because I had degrees in theology and counseling. The horse I rode in on was called Pride and very tall. It would be a few years before I fell off this horse and realize I was really a mule - hard headed, stubborn. I went on 12step calls to help “that poor drunk” and his or her family. I just knew if they listened to me, I could help them. As a counselor I was trying “to fix” the clients - I had forgotten what my supervisor had taught me. My attitude had become one of self-service, not other-service. I had forgotten a lot and lost a lot in Blackouts which I finally accepted I experienced.

I had to come to grips with my powerlessness; a deep realization that my life had become unmanageable. My bottom came when I finally realized I was among the walking dead – spiritually dead. It was at this point I was open to listen to others, to being guided by the principles of A.A., really listening at meetings and reading the Big Book and applying it to me.

Coming in early, setting up the room, staying afterward to clean up. - this was and is service. Attending the home group meetings, accepting or offering to serve on committees, was and is a work of service. To serve was and is to set aside my ego and learn to be present to the other, to be there for others. To serve is to do what is necessary without seeking acknowledgement. As Bill said “Our leaders are but trusted servants."

Becoming service orientated took some training. Being of service meant setting aside my ego, my sense of my self-importance and what I could do for others. It meant learning to stand back and see a larger picture. Being of service meant learning to understand that, what is often needed, is a sense of presence, a ministry of presence. Remen writes: “When we serve, we see the unborn wholeness in others; we collaborate with it and strengthen it. Others may then be able to see their wholeness for themselves for the first time.”     

With recovery I came to realize that my tendency to want to fix and help others was preventing them from developing their God-given gifs and talents. Being a servant, is simply doing ‘the next right thing,” staying sober one day at a time, maintaining an attitude of gratitude, and being the hand of AA when someone shows up to begin the road to recovery.

“Being of service meant learning to understand that, what is often needed, is a sense of presence, a ministry of presence.”

Séamus D.
New Orleans