Do your thoughts trouble you? Does passion disturb you? Beware of thirstiness lest your wishes become your desires, and desire binds you. Dhammapada 24.
Two and a half thousand years ago the above was written by Siddhartha Gautama, better known as The Buddha (The awakened one). During my active drinking I not only read the Dhammapada, but I quoted it in talks and sermons. It was quite good advice to give to others and tell them how to be more moderate in their life. The problem was, I was an active alcoholic. There was no troubling thought that Jack Daniels could not erase. There was no passion which John Jameson would object to my following either in fantasy or reality. I was thirsty. My wishes became desires and I became blind to how I was hurting others. I became numb to the hurt I was causing myself.
I have been active in the program now for several years and it never ceases to amaze me, when I listen to those still actively using or who are in and out of the program, how they justify their behavior. I want to tell them – live the program and you will be happy; work the steps and you will find a greater peace than you can imagine. Sadly, I heard all those words in my early years of the program and paid no attention to it. I did not want to be there. It took me four and a half years before I began to understand a glimmer of the depth of the program.
“Beware of thirstiness lest your wishes become your desires, and desire binds you.” In other words, “Admit you are powerless, and your life has become unmanageable.” Early in recovery I was thirsty for the limelight. I was thirsty for what I saw was the glamour of being on the Speaker Circuit. I was thirsty for the attention given to those who came and shared their story to a packed hall on a Saturday or Sunday night. I was thirsty for the attention I was not giving myself. And, at times, I was thirsty for a drink. Thanks to my Higher Power/God, there were those individuals who knew me better than myself who told me the truth about myself and helped keep me on the narrow path to sobriety and sanity. Today, I know I am powerless over people, places, and things. There are those I would love to control. There are those in whose presence my anger begins to rise. There are those around whom I feel jealous of their gifts and talents. But, today, I can put my hand in my pocket, hold my recent “chip,” say the Serenity Prayer, and laugh at myself. Working the steps, living the program really works.
“Do your thoughts trouble you?” Not today. Today I am free to change my thought process thereby changing my behavior. And, if I slip, I can and do make Amends. “Does passion disturb you?” My passion today is for Peace and Justice and doing what I can to make it a reality in the world around me. My passion is to be the best I can with my God-given gifts and talents.
“Beware of thirstiness lest your wishes become your desires, and desire binds you.” Today, my thirstiness is tempered by working and living steps ten and eleven: “Continued to take a personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood him praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry it out.” My desire today is to live joyous, happy and free and in working and living these steps I have achieved this desire the majority of my days thanks to the program and the good example of the men and women who live it one day at a time.
Séamus D.
New Orleans
