“Next we launched out on a course of vigorous action…” page 63, The Big Book
It was Saturday, March 14. I was preparing to lead a day retreat the following Saturday with a local Matt Talbot group around the theme of page 63 from The Big Book. It was perfect timing for my recovering journey! I felt tired from the work I had committed to do as an interim minister and the people I was serving for the past 18 months. Every attempt to move forward with changes needed for them to become the change-makers seemed fraught with excuses and refusals. While attending my home group meeting early most mornings, my regularity had faded to 2 or 3 times a week, maybe. The group, a solid part of my recovering life the past 12 years, was becoming usual, predictable, and frankly I was bored … NOT a healthy place for this alcoholic to be! So, this retreat day would be the perfect foundation for completing another Step 4 and 5. And then …
COVID-19 changed everything! The retreat I was to lead was cancelled. Our diocese suspended all public worship, and I was plunged into the world of “virtual” worship each Sunday. Like all other gatherings, daily AA meetings were put on ice as well. Sure, I could reach out to my sponsor and other friends along the happy road. Sure, I could connect with one or more of the “virtual” AA meetings that quickly appeared. Sure, I could do SOMETHING about this needed step work. Sure I could, but getting traction on this was not happening. And then …
A friend from the rooms, who I also shared time with as spiritual director, began having spikes of fever, a general flu-like weakness, and then THE COUGH. He was referred for testing for the Corona Virus. The first was negative, then the second showed positive, and then the third returned negative. Since the medical world could not figure out what to do, they sent him home and said if it got worse, go to the ER. He called me immediately, feeling the need to work through his Step 4 & 5 in the case that he … The gift of his sense of life urgency cleaning his life and spiritual house gave energy for me to do the same. We covenanted to complete what we could in a week, and then meet on his deck at appropriate space with masks to share these steps with each other. By the time we met, his physical manifestations had settled, the coughing disappeared, and he was on the mend. He went first, I followed. Tears, laughter, comfort, and inspiration to move on to Step 8 and 9, to move forward in a time when nothing else was moving forward. It was truly grace, nothing else but grace. I hold this truth from writer and recovering companion Anne Lamott -- “I do not understand the mystery of grace -- only that it meets us where we are and does not leave us where it found us.” And then …
I received a text from the chair of our home group. He wanted me to know that the group was still meeting with appropriate limits. When a member anniversary was to be celebrated the group conscience agreed that the anniversary person would be specifically invited in these unusual times. So, on Saturday, May 23, I’ll be present at my home group with mask of face, a smaller group of my recovering friends, to give thanks for 23 years of recovering life. I could not do this without the grace of God, and the living, loving presence of my recovering friends in all the places I have traveled. And for this, I am grateful.
Paul G.
Newark, Delaware
