“The moment you surrender to love and allow it to lead you to exactly where your soul wants to go, you will have no difficulty.” Neale Donald Walsch

I often hear the slogans “Fake it until you make it” and “Acting as if” in the rooms of 12 Step fellowships. The idea behind these slogans is to develop a pattern of behavior that mirrors a recovered lifestyle. I think of it as a way to develop spiritual muscle memory by repeating the actions of a person in recovery.

While the intentions of these slogans are admirable, it is always good to see these slogans as mere placeholders on our recovery journey. They are stand ins until we begin the process of surrender. In reality, it is possible to not act out with our drug of choice and still not be sober. That is the difference between surrender and submission for those of us in recovery.

Surrender involves acceptance of the reality that life as we have lived it has only resulted in our own self destruction. We can’t lie any more to ourselves, to others, or to our Higher Power. Surrender always erupts from the fountain of rigorous honesty. It requires the rejection of denial and a commitment to reality at all cost. Surrender requires making peace with our character defects. When we surrender we realize that our addiction, be it to alcohol, drugs, sex, compulsive lying or whatever are just symptoms of a spiritual dis-ease of our egos. Surrender is the foundation upon which true recovery is built.

Submission however, allows us to do the right thing with the wrong motives. Submission is best illustrated by the imagery of a Prisoner of War. Someone in compliance with the orders of their captors who follows the rules of the overlord while inwardly plotting his escape from captivity. Some of us in recovery see the program as a burden, we are sober but by God we are not happy about it! I always laugh when someone who is in submission to the program reads the sentence“…if you want what we have…” Thank you but I will pass.

Artist and creative Sissy Gavrilaki reminds us, “Sometimes, it ’s not the times you decide to fight, but the times you decide to surrender, that makes all the difference.” How true this is in recovery. When we not only decide to give up fighting but also make peace with our enemy (ourselves) we absolutely experience freedom from our addiction, find release from the shame which motivates us, and undermines our negative core beliefs. The result is true peace and serenity and the gratefulness both for my recovery and my addiction. 

That is something I will go to any length to experience.

Digging Deeper

1.      How would you describe the difference between surrender and submission?

2.      In what ways have you ever been resentful of your sobriety or recovery?

3.      Why do some people in recovery talk about being grateful for their addiction? How are you grateful for your own addiction? What gift has it given you?

4.      What role does denial play in understanding the difference between surrender and submission?

5.      Matthew 5:3 (The Message) tells us,  “You ’re blessed when you ’re at the end of your rope. With less of you there is more of God and his rule.” How can being at the end of your rope (hitting bottom) result in the type of surrender being discussed here?

6.      Describe a time when you reached the end of your rope and we able to surrender. How did that feel? What was different? How has that impacted your relationship with your drug of choice?

 -Shane M