Bill W. wrote, “See to it that your relationship with Him is right, and great events will come to pass for you and countless others.” Reading that sentence outside of the context in which it is written, one could imagine a born-again Christian saying it while pointing an accusing finger at the person to whom they are speaking.

Bill W. was no born-again-Christian. He was an atheist who, at the lowest point in his life had a spiritual awakening when his hospital room lit up and he commented something to the effect “so this is the god of the Christians” and, seemingly, from there he turned his will and his life over to the care of God as he understood God.

How did a Wall Street broker, an atheist and a first class drunk become such a spiritual writer, such a spiritual person? I’ve been fascinated by him this many a year as I turn the pages of ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS and continue to discover that “more will be revealed.”

One cannot help but smile while reading A VISION FOR YOU  in which he tells the beginnings of AA and the first few characters who “found something new in life. Though they knew they must help other alcoholics if they would remain sober, that motive became secondary. It was transcended by the happiness they found in giving themselves to others.”

It has been almost a quarter of a century since I last sat beside an active drunk, vomiting, cursing, drooling, and telling him “You’re in the right place. You’re going to be all right.” The majority of our new members – like I did – walk in wide-eyed from having spent three to four weeks in the comfort of a treatment program and have been medically detoxed with little to no pain. I watched others come to grips with step one as they fought to stay away from the only solution they knew for years. At times I was jealous that I did not get to suffer more and accept the program earlier. But then I know, God’s ways are not my ways, and I wouldn’t be in the fellowship had not god kicked me in the rearend.

 “See to it that your relationship with Him is right, and great events will come to pass for you and countless others” No one had to go to church. No one had to believe in God, in a God. We just came to believe that a Power, greater than ourselves, could, if we let it, give us the peace of mind we attempted to squeeze out of a bottle of alcohol as it numbed our mind.

To find “Him” we had to look deep within ourselves, myself. I had to open my mind and heart to the reality that I was a rather closed-minded, opinionated, prejudiced, person. To find “Him” I had to clear up the wreckage caused by my so-called friends – Johnny Walker and others. What fascinated me was that once I took the risk of looking inside, a door opened that let me see my past and present situations and I did not want to go back to the past. That was a dark and destructive time in my life and now I could see it. Initially, I did not think I’d ever laugh at some of the stupidity of the past.          As Bill wrote, “Many a man, yet dazed from his hospital experience… succumbed to that gay crowd inside, who laughed at their own misfortunes and understood his.”

“Abandon yourself to God as you understand God.” I believed in God. I prayed to God. I worshipped god. But never had I abandoned myself to God. Submit. Surrender. How foreign? And yet, without being asked, I had surrendered my will and my life to Jack Daniels and friends. It was time to get real. “Clear the wreckage of the past Admit your faults to Him and to your fellows. Give freely of what you find and join us.”

I did and for many years now I have been grateful on a daily basis for the peace and serenity I have experienced, the sober friends I have made, and the joy of shared laughter over cups of coffee.

Keep it Simple. Don’t drink today. Keep coming back. Read the Big Book. Talk to your sponsor. Be the hand of AA to those who ask for help. And remember the One who was and is the source of your freedom.

Séamus D.
Séamus D is a semi-retired priest in the Episcopal Diocese of Louisiana