In THE LITTLE RED BOOK ‘Appreciation’ is listed as one of the “Vital factors contributing to the long records of contented sobriety… Appreciation continues the miracle of our sobriety. Cultivate this healthy mental attitude. As we develop appreciation we enlarge our capacity for happiness, service, and contented sobriety. Lack of appreciation and drunkenness are old buddies – they go hand in hand.”
Other words for appreciation are gratitude, thankfulness, indebtedness. No matter which one I choose, none of them were on my list for almost six years in the Fellowship. No matter how good I felt, I never appreciated the reality or the fact that I had to “attend those damn meetings” in order to keep my job. I did not appreciate the time going on a 12th Step call; or ‘wasting my time’ telling my story in a psych unit. Appreciation was definitely not on my top one hundred words.
It never occurred to me that I should have appreciated my ability to read as I listened to others struggle to read “How it Works” or “The Prelude” or “The Promises.” Instead, I questioned, quietly, thank god, why they were asked or allowed to read at all. It never occurred to me to appreciate that I had a job, a roof over my head and transport to get to meetings. It never occurred to me to appreciate the lady who cared for my daughter while I attended meetings. It never occurred to me to appreciate that I was still alive considering the reality that I was a black-out drinker.
Today I have no problem acknowledging that I am indebted to two men in the Fellowship who took me under their wing, told me truths about myself and kept me on the straight and narrow till such times as I got “really sober” and began to reflect on my life and develop a real understanding of “appreciation.”
It never occurred to me just how much I took for granted in the goodness of others; their level of tolerance of my attitudes and behavior. I took people for granted. I took for granted that I’d have employment. I took for granted that I had good health – and yet I was told I had the beginnings of emphysema (five years later I ceased nicotine in all forms).
“Appreciation is a vital factor contributing to the long records of contented sobriety.” With sobriety – after a lengthy dry drunk spell – came appreciation, gratitude, thankfulness, indebtedness.
After completing my first totally honest fourth step, I began to appreciate the reality that I am an alcoholic and that I have been given a gift of a way of life that is suggested to me so that I may choose life. Accepting being in recovery and gratitude for those who took me under their wing opened doors in my mind and heart for a lot of other gratitude.
I did not really learn to read till I was about eighteen, a senior in high school, and, once I mastered that gift, I loved reading. Today I can sit at a meeting and listen with appreciation as another is willing to read – however haltingly – the opening readings of our meetings.
I have learned to appreciate the depth of spirituality of this Fellowship. With my background in being in a seminary, I thought I knew all about spirituality. The reality set in when I was told that it was all in my head. Slowly the road from my head to my heart began to open and the tears came with it.
“Cultivate this healthy mental attitude.” Cultivate, nurture, encourage, support this healthy mental attitude. As one man said to me “Seamus, you wouldn’t know a feeling if it sat on your lap.” Eventually, I had to accept that he was right. My mental attitude was such that I was a ticking time bomb of anger and resentments. I was fascinated as I began to cultivate this new healthy mental attitude and realized that I was breathing better, I was more relaxed.
“As we develop appreciation we enlarge our capacity for happiness, service, and contented sobriety.” To be happy was more than not being angry. Being happy was to have peace of mind, it was to be able to enjoy the company of others. The development of this attitude of Appreciation led me to humility, to be of service to others and the fellowship in the simple acts of cleaning ashtrays, setting up in prep for a meeting, chairing, sharing. And in so doing I experienced that “contented sobriety” and that, and all that goes along with it, I greatly appreciate.
Séamus DSéamus D is an Episcopal priest in the New Orleans Diocese.
