The other night, I was awakened at 4 A.M. by a loving recollection of my late wife who died 60 days ago almost to the day. Its appearance wasn’t a surprise, and I knew it wouldn’t be the last time.

But returning to sleep can be difficult, but certainly not always.  Folks at my home in an assisted living medical facility tell me these wake-up calls continue but “stretch out as time goes on.”  I also was aware that she would “appear” during the day when I encountered long favored favorite sites or events.

As Christians and recovering alcoholics, how do we deal with these sudden recollections—what do Christ, and Bill W. and Dr. Bob offer to help us through these moments?

The offerings of Christ are clear: “Turn it over to Christ.” He’s there with us at that very moment. His love for us is clear. Sometimes when I’m hit with one of these episodes, I’m able to stop and recognize it was a dream.  As a human, I may try to solve this hurt myself. At my best, I ask for His assistance—and while I suppose it may sound flip, I try to go back to sleep or move on at the event.  But His basic teaching is just that, “Let Me have it and deal with it—so turn it over to Me.”

As for Bill W. and Dr. Bob? The Steps they wrote also clearly provide our roadmap:

Step 1- “We’re powerless” over the sudden appearance of these ills—they come and go, always. We don’t control their appearance or content, or veracity for that matter.

Step 2. “Greater than ourselves.” Oh we try our own remedies—self-pity, anger, resentment, blaming someone. Maybe we wake up and try to appear productive or move smoothly through the event, but sometimes our poor efforts are just that, poor and empty.

Step 3. “Turn it over.” Ah, the answer appears—He is there to receive and accept the hurt you feel. The Steps themselves call for us to do that—to reach for Him and seek His help and comfort just as we did when we surrendered our alcoholism.

Step 4.” Make an inventory.” Well, maybe there is something you can do to answer the hurt, perhaps rectify a past wrong, identify the accuracy of the guilt you feel. Was your Higher Power trying to say something to you? So, the next day, ask yourself, “Was she or our Higher Power speaking to me about something?”

Steps 5, 6, 7, 8, and 9. Be specific about what in the past has awakened which you need to correct—the Big Book readily tells you how to go about that.

Step 10. “Continued” the process. People tell me that this is a non-ending thing and occurs years later. Perhaps its intensity lessens, but the surprise of it might bring a new sense of guilt or sorrow.

Step 11. Again, maintain a “conscious contact” with your Higher Power. It’s needed. Following Christ and His teachings is not a one trick pony situation—it’s an everyday proposition. “Why?” because we are human and our old ways of doing things reappears, like in those past days when our devil-ego told us that we were able to guide our feelings and our ways of life itself.

Step 12. Sharing how you are handling these sudden outbursts of sadness...” You ask, what do I do when it happens at 4 A.M?” Tell people how you handle this—don’t just play “wounded widow or widower.”  Be honest about the way out of this jam caused by that 4 A.M. dream.  

A final thought: As the episodes trail on, I have concluded that they are reminders of my wonderful loving wife. I’m learning anew why I loved her for 66 years. She seems to help me still by raising the question: “What would Judy do?”

So, you see, our Higher Power was there alongside Bill W and Dr. Bob, at that Gate House that Sunday afternoon and evening and again in the writing of The Big Book. Each brought to us the power to respond, always, to our devil-ego.

Jim A, St X Noon, Cincinnati