Usually, we read about “recidivism” in connection with a frequent repetition of criminal conduct. We probably ask ourselves, “Don’t they learn …if they steal, they will go to jail. What don’t they understand! Do they really prefer jail with its “three hots and a cot?”

Isn’t this just like a recovering alcoholic. “falling off that sobriety wagon ridden for months, maybe years?” Or a newbie working the program for a couple days or months but “going back out?” Those harmed say, “Can’t that alcoholic learn? He’s back at his normal intoxicated self. Does he remember when he drinks, he drinks too much? Does the alcoholic really prefer the sadness and harm to himself and others once again caused by his inebriation?”

Early on, I was working the Program. But, in hindsight, I was only “going through the motions.” So, surprise, surprise, I went back out. When I did, I carried with me the knowledge that I was an alcoholic and that sooner or later I would have to return to surrender once again.

Sometimes, when we have “gone out again” we seem to act as if there will be a sense of relief ahead when we surrender once again. Do we look forward to once again giving up -- a truly strange reality? Then why did we go back out? Is it like hitting your thumb with a hammer because it feels so good when you stop the hitting? We’ve probably surrendered before, but it didn’t take. Why this time? I believe that the final emergence of joy at the point of surrender reflects the triumph of reality over ego. If I drink, I will get drunk, period. No ambiguity or guesswork … drunk, period.

But my ego is always with me. It hides maybe for a bit, but it always sneaks back. And the beauty of the Program is it provides a defensive mechanism when we remember to keep coming back, for it works if I work it. Surrender isn’t a one shot-pony, it’s a process. It’s a life-long struggle, easy sometimes, hard others. We attend meetings to strengthen that defensive wall. Meetings give us tools to fight off that resurgent ego.

But, yes, recidivism … it will always be a threat to the sobriety of recovering alcoholics. We can never relax. We must work the Steps of the Program ‘til the end.

Jim A, Traditions, Lebanon