You’ll see what was “really scary” as I tell you what happened this weekend. First, let me say I’ve been in the Program for several years, having followed our familiar paths. From my surrender on, I had steadily worked the Program, chaired meetings at the local addiction hospital unit, and so forth.

This particular day was my son’s high school homecoming and following the normal festivities, he returned home and as he entered the living room where we all were watching television, he stumbled and “threw up” seemingly everything he’d had eaten or drank at their several gala parties.

Sadly, this wasn’t the first episode with our son. He’d put on a similar bad show in front of the family after another school event, an end of a semester, or something like that. We sort of passed it off as what you might call “teen-aged nonsense.” There had been other weekend incidents, and, well, actually, if truth be known, it did seem to be a regular situation on weekends. Recently, there were times during a school week when he would appear intoxicated after visiting a friend’s house.

My mind immediately flashed back to my own days of rage – all the horrific examples of an out of control practicing alcoholic and the damages to family, grandparents, and others. I was also aware of how I felt when my parents sat me down the next morning and told me be I shouldn‘t be drinking as it’s “harmful to my health” and “not something our family does, why do you do this, you know it’s wrong.” My reaction to this “sit down” couldn’t have been worse. I was soon off to college and I treated this as an invitation to continue drinking whenever and at what level I decided.

But back to our son; what do I say to my son that next morning? Remember, he’s a good kid, but like most adolescents, he erects various barriers or at least bumpy paths to any parental “sit down talk.”

But isn’t that the most effective way to approach him? Do I sit him down and re-tell him my story the next morning? Do I give him a copy of the Big Book? How about taking him to my regular meeting, a good discussion meeting? It’s not that he’s unaware of my history of alcoholic behavior. He lived through some of it just like the whole family did and I’m pretty sure he is conscious about my work with others in the Program.

I’ll tell you what really scares me – it’s that if I do this incorrectly, it may serve as a hinderance to his doing anything about it himself until he really reaches his destructive bottom with all that implies. We love our son and it scares me that on the one hand I can really be of help to him but I fear just busting into his bedroom and sternly say, “You need to get to a meeting, pronto.”

Author’s Note: I’ll return to the Red Door on December First with some thoughts about suggestions what the next steps might be.

 Jim A, St. X Noon, Cincinnati